[providez]

You can be born simple or you can be born me. Indeed.
Sometimes I think I want to get too much of it. I want some difficulties and obsticles and lots of things to do, otherwise I get bored. But I also want it simple, otherwise I feel small and pathetic and desperate. I want to change my hair colour, I'm not satisfied with my indefinite one. I want to change my nail polish colour, I'm not satisfied with the red one, with any of them, actually. I want to have an emotional meltdown, I want to be spontaneous. I want to be Christina Yang, I want to be brilliant, I want to work, I want to be not afraid of people. I want to like wine and to have a just-in-case pack of cigarettes in my bag. I want a red Citroen, and I want to want a bicycle, and my poor old Zenit hero repaired. I want to make beautiful photos, I want to write, stories, tales, poems, lyrics, life. I want inspiration. I want to learn how to draw and how to sing, though if I sing, it's literary ridiculous. I want to be pretty, I look pretty only in my and my love's bathroom mirrors. I want to be good for him. I want to cook well, I want to never run out of grapes, pepper, salmon and salty smoked cheese. I want to sleep well, to crawl under the blanket with my love when it's so damn cold as it is now and wake up beside him, I think I would love each morning then. I want to have enough will to get up early and make a cup of coffee and not to hurry and smile in the morning and do my make up every day. I want to be a blond, did I say that already? Oh right, I want to have a foreign language library, I want to have enough time and money, no, money and time to choose the items, clothes, nail polish, e-ve-ry-thing well. I want to have, no, to see chances and meet deadlines. I want to be more womanish, I want to wear romantic style clothes, I want enough money to wear romantic style clothes, cause, you know, they cost. I want colour tights and matching gloves. I want to like flowers, no, I want flowers to like me, usually they die in a couple of days here. I want to be taken seriously and I want to keep on making people laugh. I want to have a musician friend, cause these people think in a completely different way. I want to learn how to rely on my friends, cause they're great, but I'm not. I want not to get blind or handicapped and to have an eye surgery one day. I want never to run out of encouraging music and good movies and drink coffee at the cinema like I'm at home.
I want some love and peace and harmony for all. And I want you to like me. Is this really too much?..

@темы: мысли вслух, getting closer to the Union Jack, по Фрейду или по Юнгу?, invisible, monday morning blues, Багдад

Comments

[Miss Brightside]

u WILL have home and waking up beside him every morning,just try not to go mad during a few years which separate u from the dream,ok?

[providez]

I've been telling myself just the same thing since I was 13. I'm still trying)
That was not the point btw)

[Rassy | Raska]

don't you know I like you so

[Miss Brightside]

и еще,мне нравится кристина янг,но ты мне нравишься больше)просто все такими не могут быть,потому что все разные,вот ты такая и это круто,главное этого не забывать,я понимаю,что все это просто слова,но эти слова я сама себе говорю,когда возникают такие вот похожие мысли

[providez]

Rassy | Raska - love you, too) I've seen a girl today near BSU, I've taken her for you and headed to her with a smile from ear to ear. By the time I realized it was not you, she'd definitely thought I'm nuts and was already trying to hurry away from me...